2016. It was a fast-moving blur of emotional pain, confusion and self discovery.
I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I am a living testament to the ringing truth that a year can do a lot to an individual. The naive, blinding smoke of immaturity that filled my heart and head cleared. I am free. Free to love, free to grow and change, free to be myself.
I have learned so much, yet I still have so many questions.
I’ve learned what love really is, and how to fully love another. Love is so abused, a blessing and incredibly misunderstood. Why is that so many people struggle to learn this? Are we raising a generation that is lacking of adjectives that all the only word they utilize describe their favorite food is the same word they deliver to their partner intimate, soul-bearing moments? I’m puzzled.
I’ve learned the various expressions of cheating, unfortunately by being the a member of the “victim party”. The thing that haunts me when I await for blooming sunrise, is why do people do it? … More specifically, why do people cheat and ultimately destroy that person that they “love”?
2017. It’s going to be a year of change. I’ve received orders to Korea. I have a mixed array of thoughts and feelings about it. South Dakota has been my military home for almost 4 years. My little haven of comfortability, my enabler of complaceny, and ultimately where the man I love is stationed (Matthew). Matthew is putting in a package to retrain into education and training from his current AFSC of crew chief. In December, I can apply for retraining from my current AFSC of jet troop. There is so much hope for the future but so many routes for life to take us. The only similarity is that no matter which current of the ocean of life pulls me, it brings Matthew along for the ride.
I’ll hastily explain why I know he will always be there. This man has changed my world and heart. He took the ashes from my volcanic ruins that was my life, threw them up the air and took flight with them. He has opened my eyes to the possibilities that the blessed emotion of hope brings. All he ever asks of me is honesty, unconditional love and respect. In return, I’ve given him peace and acceptace. I see him. He is simply complex. I accept who he is and I truly love every bit of him.
Enough pulling on the heart strings. I leave in June-ish for Korea. I am lucky that we get to take a month of leave to escape the reality of the Air Force and run off to our families. I’m completely thrilled. I am flying my grandmother out for a few days while we travel to Iowa to see my family. Then we are meandering our way to Georgia. I can’t wait to see Matthew around his family. His whole face lights up and I see a tender aspect to his personality whenever he talks to them over video chat. I love hearing about his family and I can’t wait to shake their hands and be able to appreciate his roots.
I look forward to the new experiences and challenges that the new year will bring.