I loved the wrong person before. I loved quite a few wrong people in my 25 short years on this planet. Matthew is my right person, and I can’t compare the way it feels to love him to anything I’ve ever had. It pleasantly burns deep in my heart. Wow, that sounded very eloquent in my head but seeing it typed makes it seem silly.
When I see him in passing at work, my heart rate speeds up and my stomach does flip-flops. Late at night, I’ll wake up to utilize the restroom facilities and when I crawl in bed, I’ll curl up close to him and say a silent prayer of thanks to God for him. He’s unique, intriguing and special. He’s mine and its blissful to say that. Deep down in my soul, I know that what I feel for him will never diminish and how he feels for me is reciprocated.
Ever since we first met and as our relationship continued to blossom and strengthen, we were never separated for an extended period of time. We got extremely lucky and recently got to deploy together. Since his retraining got approved, he had to leave for his tech school.
I miss him. I missed him the second I got in Liz’s car to head off to an appointment together. I should have stayed so we could have breakfast together at our favorite restaurant. Although he says that it’s okay, I still regret not staying. It was an excuse to delay the inevitable. I think it would have made that initial goodbye more raw and gut-wrenching.
I’ve never missed another living being this much. I miss the morning cup of coffee he pours for me and the sleepy smiles on the deck. I miss the dishes being put away for me and bedroom light getting turned off even though I was the last one to get in bed. The thing I miss the most is always having him around. I took it for granted. I really did. There is a constant stinging in my chest as I carry on during my day. The only relief is when my phone goes off and his name is flashing across the screen. I never expected that. I thought there would be fleeting moments of pain. I was wrong.
I can’t wait to be reunited. I’m sure once we are, I’ll miss the late night face-timing and the cute gif conversations we hold over Facebook messenger. I look forward to our evening Face-time conversations about our days. I enjoy hearing about what he learned in class. Today he told me about some of the crazy college kids that were causing traffic jams and mayhem in the city. He got to see a car on fire too. (Fire is a interest of mine. Putting out fires that is, not lighting them….)
Enough mushy gushy ranting about my love life. I just wanted to rant about how much I miss my husband. Thanks for reading.