“You are married and 25, if you wait too long, you will miss your chance.”
I hear the previous statement too often for my liking. I am married. I am aware that I’m 25 and that my biological clock is ticking.
My husband and I do want to have children together. Sometimes, I wish that we met sooner. I wish the clock would stop ticking for a few years. I want more time. I like being able to make travel plans last minute and my packed bags being filled with only cigarettes and a few change of clothes. I love uninterrupted sleep. I like that my world is occupied by my husband and my jobs.
When my husband and I are alone, I don’t notice the silence. However, whenever I am around my family or my friend’s children, my heart aches a little. I am a little jealous of those that have little bundles of giggles and cuddles. My heart melts every time I walk into Liz’s house and I hear Kylie yell out “Aunt Jenn!!!”. My heart stings every single time I go to leave her house and Mason’s runs up crying “No, bye.”
I don’t understand these feelings. I didn’t always want children. I used to talk about wanting them someday, but deep down, I prayed that “some day” would never happen. When I thought about happiness, it revolved around vacations, trips and late night talks. Now, when I reflect upon it, it consists of thoughts about parenthood. You know, the first word, first day of kindergarten, the ritual of high school graduation.
I’ve changed. I’ve softened. I’ve grown.
This time, I know that children will happen. I hope that I can bear my own but adoption is always an option.
However, I am not rushing into parenthood. I don’t feel that there is a need to. I see too many couples that got into a couple accidents. The results of those accidents are beautiful and rewarding but I can’t ignore the obvious. All too often in today’s society is children raising children. The consequences are usually rocky marriages, financial stress and lack of a healthy routine.
I want better than that. If waiting costs me the opportunity to raise a family, so be it. I’d rather never have that then risk losing my marriage and going on state/federal aid. Someday those children will grow up and leave the nest. All that will be left is my marriage. Rough seas during a lifetime of marriage is to be expected but I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that we are on different boats. If my husband and I can’t provide for a family on our own, we probably shouldn’t have one.
Yea, I’m 25. Yea, I know if I wait to long, I’ll miss my chance.
That’s fine. I won’t be pressured into being a struggling, half-ass parent. There are enough of those, go bug them…