In today’s world, homosexuality is an accepted concept. It should be. I have no right to dictate what another individual should do to be happy. As long as you aren’t killing or raping people, I personally don’t care what you do with your life.
Once upon a time, in my high school years, I dated an Eric Walker. He truly was my first love and he shattered my heart in a million pieces. At that tender age, it changed my innocent trusting nature forever. I never trusted someone that quickly or willingly again.
It all started when he asked me to the school dance. I was elated. We met through the school’s band program. We were in the same jazz band. As a result of multiple weekend jazz competitions, we had grown to be close friends. I developed feelings for him, outside of friendship. He was the first man that I wanted to sleep with. We went to his senior prom together. I still remember how it felt, kissing him in the dimly lit hallway of the apartment I lived in with my family. That prom felt like a ball worthy of a princess.
Ahh, to be that naive and innocent again. I maintained my innocence that night and looking back on how things ended, I am glad I remained that way.
Facebook was starting to take over the social media era. I had received permission to open an account as long as Mom had the password. I honestly doubt she ever logged on to it. I felt like she trusted me. At the time, my mom was employed as a medic for a local ambulance service in Vinton, IA. I was curious about the world she worked for so she would take me to work with her from time to time. I made friends with the daughters of one of the women she worked with.
I remember the week all the drama between Eric and I went down that fateful summer. I was at my mom’s friends house, hanging out with her daughters. YouTube was becoming popular. We were watching various videos and I went to log into my Facebook. The password wasn’t working. I didn’t understand why. I didn’t think much of it.
Later that night, when I went home, my friend Kevin (who was friends with Eric as well) called me and asked why I posted that I broke up with Eric on Facebook. Some awful mother fucker took the effort to hack into my email and Facebook account and “break up” with Eric for the world to see. I remember going to my mom in utter confusion. She had me call Eric.
I remember the feeling of my heart in my stomach. I remember the stifling dread and fear growing with each ring until he finally picked up. I knew the moment I heard his voice, it was over. It wasn’t over because of what happened on Facebook.
I wish that were the reason. I was too young to go through what I did.
He cheated. He cheated on me with his best friend. He cheated on me with his best friend that is a man. He admitted to having sex with his man best friend. His best friend (named Jason, I forgot to mention that) was in a relationship with girl. Her name was Erin Wilson. (Her and I got kinda close since our boyfriends had cheated on us with each other.) He had told me that wonderful night at prom that he loved me. He saw a future with me. He saw us making it through college life together. He made promises and with that phone call, he blew every single one up in my face.
He came over as soon as he hung up with me. He held me as I cried and asked me to forgive him. He asked if we could start over. I was foolish. I accepted.
When it got closer to school starting again, he broke things off. He said some cheesy phrase that was along the lines of “I didn’t look at him the same anymore and he hated himself for it.” It wasn’t me, it’s him.”
I found out later that he was dating Jason. I forget how much time passed but eventually, he went on to have a long relationship with Erin Wilson as well. The pain blistered up all over again when I learned that. Her and I had grown apart but I never thought she would go running to the man that broke my heart for the first time and that had been the reason why Jason broke her heart.
Looking back, I wish I were stronger in that period of my life. Eric gave me a gorgeous necklace for Christmas while we were together. I gave it back along with his class ring. I covered his class ring in cat shit. (Some things still haven’t changed. I am a woman to be reckoned with when my heart breaks.) I found out some time after that Erin cleaned his ring off for him. I also found out shortly after I found out that Erin and Eric were together that he had gotten her a similar necklace for Christmas.
Fast forward to today’s date. I have no idea what Erin is up to these days. I haven’t even tried to find out where Jason ended up. Eric however, is in the Air Force. We were Facebook friends for awhile until I got married the second time. He is now engaged to man. I think he might be married now? I don’t really know.
Anyways. this whole story had a point. During one of my Netflix binges, I discovered a new show. It’s called Grace and Frankie. The show is completely hilarious. It’s about two women in their 70’s that discover that their husbands are gay, in love with each other and have been cheating on them for years! If I had stayed with Eric, that probably would have been my life. It was easy to get hooked on the show after what I went through at such a young age.
It you get a chance, watch it. It will tug on the heart strings for those of you that have stories similar to mine. It will make you laugh and will help distract you from the struggles in your own life for about an hour or so.
No matter how bad your problems are, at least you didn’t spend 50 some years married to a cheating gay man. It’s the little victories that make life bearable.