Distance in Marriage

I think that at some point in every marriage, distance happens. Sometimes, distance might manifest itself in a physical way in the form of deployments, emergency travel trips or possibly a business trip or two. Other times, distance comes in a marriage in the intangible manifestation. This manifestation appears in the sense of less communication, less physical touching, less of everything.

I’m guilty of the latter. Sometimes, I come home from work too tired (or lazy depending on how you want to look at the situation) to take the time to talk and listen to my husband. There are times where I just want to watch a movie while I take a long bubble bath and enjoy a glass of bubbly.

Since we have moved to Vegas, it’s been a recurring trend. We both have been pretty absorbed in learning our new “normal”. He has a new career field to learn and I have a whole new engine/plane to learn. Our work hours take up the majority of our time. There isn’t enough hours in the day to do it all. I wish I were a “superwife”.

I want to be the typical 1950’s wife that has dinner ready every night, has an amazing physique due to a committed relationship with the gym and brings a paycheck every two weeks. I can’t do it all. I freaking wish I could. I get so wrapped up in trying to do it all that I forget to take time to make sure that Matthew’s emotional needs are taken care of as well.

The biggest thing I have learned since I married him is that Matt doesn’t expect or even want me to do it all. He doesn’t care if I go to the gym everyday. He doesn’t mind if we order pizza 5 nights of the 7 day week because we are both tired. He doesn’t even care if I have a job as long as the bills are covered.

He just wants me. He wants to be close to me, in every possible way. He wants my attention and affection. He just wants some of my time.

It has been a hard lesson for me to learn. It was a problem at one point. Thankfully it was a tiny problem and it was addressed very quickly.

I am so used to being alone. I like my routine and my alone bubble is too familiar to me. However, feeling the distance between us makes my heart hurt and the tears start to fall from my eyes. I finally talked to him about it and he has been feeling the same way. Lately, we have been making the time to keep each other posted on our individual adventures we have throughout the day. We discuss what we are learning about our new jobs instead of keeping it to ourselves.

I feel like we are mending the metaphorical distance that had been creeping up in our marriage. It has made us closer. I see other couples starting to grow apart from each other and they just ignore it. Before you know it, they are filing for divorce or they are complete strangers to each other.

I never thought there was more to learn about marriage and my husband. I like learning about him. He is my favorite research project. This amazing man that I married is so good.

I know I talk about my husband a lot. I’m sorry. Well, I say that I am but I’m really not. I share what I learn from my marriage so that other people going through life might learn from my shared failures and successes. I wish that I had the perfect marriage manual but I still don’t think that I would learn a damn thing from it. I learn from trial and error.

You could tell me that a hot stove will burn my hand but I’ll still touch the scorching hot stove anyways. Thankfully, Matt is willing to bandage my hand with gauze and love.

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