Unexpected Blessings

I am finally pregnant. I found a couple of days ago that I am four weeks along. I took a home pregnancy test and for the first time ever, it was positive. I wasn’t late for my period, it was technically due today. The only symptom I have noticed in the past week was my tender breasts and that is also a symptom of PMS. I’ve been a little tired lately but I thought that it was associated with the hours I’ve been working lately. We are in the midst of a Red Flag exercise. I’m on swing shift and for the next few weeks, my reporting hours are 2000-0400. I don’t usually sleep well on mid shift hours, aka during the day. Thankfully, I haven’t had any morning sickness and I am hopeful that I am one of the lucky ones that are not plagued with that.

My husband and I are really excited. We’ve been trying since August and until now, it’s been one negative test after another. We decided in December to just take it easy and not worry about conceiving anymore. If it happened, it happened. I guess that discussion was all I needed for my body to decide to cooperate.

I was a little anxious when I first saw the plus sign on the home pregnancy test. I wasn’t sure if I should believe what the stick said. I’ve wanted a child for so long and I was afraid to get my hopes up if it turned out to be a trick of the light. I immediately woke up my husband and him read what it said. He is more excited than I am.

I couldn’t help thinking about all the times I took a pregnancy test with my ex-husband, Bobby. I felt relief every time the test said negative. We had a little puppy named Loki together. I thought that getting a puppy would be a good test to see if having a child together would be a good idea. I’m glad that I decided to do that. At that point in his life and in our marriage, having a child together would have been awful. Bobby never got up in the middle of the night to take the puppy outside to go potty. He would get angry when I woke him up to take the dog out and would tell me that he had to get up for work in the morning. I remember getting so upset. I worked in maintenance (I still do) at the time. He worked in a finance office. He didn’t have to do physical labor at his work, he typed on a keyboard and stared at a computer screen inside a warm, outdoor element-shielded office. I remember resenting him for thinking that his job was hard and that he “needed” more sleep than I did. Also, if I left the house on the weekend to see some friends or run errands, I would always come home to a puppy accident on the floor and Bobby sitting in front of the TV playing video games. I don’t think I would have felt comfortable leaving my child with Bobby to babysit. I didn’t trust him and I don’t think he would have ever met my expectations of a father. I got lucky that I never conceived with him.

I don’t worry about any of that with my husband, Matthew. He has always stepped up to the plate when work takes a lot out of me, insomnia kicks in or when I am sick. Most weekends, I wake up to most of the household chores already in work. I feel bad that he does most of the house work but he always reassures me that he doesn’t mind. We both want to raise our child the same way. I fully trust Matthew and I believe that he will exceed my expectations for a father. He already exceeded my expectations for a husband. I can’t wait to see him grow as a Daddy.

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