Down with the sickness

Have you ever questioned the “What to expect when you are expecting” book? Have you assumed that it was mostly full of bull and the majority of it wouldn’t apply to you?

Granted I am only about 7 weeks pregnant, but I’ve learned quite a bit. So far, I’ve only read until the 8 week pregnant section. The book is a little dry and the only reason I started reading it was because a few of my favorite things have resulted in some unpleasant nastiness.

(I swear I am not a clueless idiot about pregnancy. I know as much as an EMT. I just didn’t think some of the “symptoms” were legit. I thought they were myths.)

“Myth” 1: Sense of Smell and the ability to puke as a result of sense of smell

-This is a legit symptom. I can smell fresh cat poop from my bedroom upstairs and the cat litter is downstairs in a bathroom. My sense of smell is as strong as Superman is. I am really glad that my place of employment is not in a water treatment facility. (My whole shift would be rather shitty.) Surprisingly, the smell of cat feces does not make me run to worship the toilet goddess. It’s Vienna sausages. I love those things, well I loved… The moment I opened the can of sweet meaty amazing-ness and caught a whiff, this strange and mostly foreign feeling came over me. Before I knew it, the remnants of my prenatal pill, breakfast oatmeal and toast ended up in the sink.  I did have an idiotic moment of insanity, in which I attempted to eat a new can of these sausages a couple days later. The same thing happened but at least that time, I made it to the toilet.

 

“Myth” 2: Pregnant Women eat weird things.

– Yea, this is a confirmed truth. I ate carrots today. You know, those orange things that grow in the ground. Doctors say that they are good for your eyes. They taste good with ranch dressing! …. Yea …. I didn’t eat them with ranch. (The bug that is growing in my uterus ruined not only Vienna sausages for me but also ranch dressing.)

I got the brilliant idea to dip my carrots in Tabasco sauce. I was hesitant at first but lately all I’ve wanted is food with Tabasco sauce. It tasted amazing.I ate an entire half pound of freaking carrots today. Just writing about it has my mouth watering and tummy growling. I have a problem. Tabasco is my problem. There are so many wonderful hot sauces in the world and my unborn child has picked Tabasco.

My nose and taste buds are not my own…

 

“Myth” 3: Morning Sickness

– I’ll spare you the graphic details of my extensive sessions with the porcelain throne. I just don’t understand why they call it morning sickness when it literally hits at the most random times. It’s hit mostly in the afternoon and early evening for me. This is not a myth. Throwing up for no damn reason is a “thing” when you are pregnant, the act of this is just poorly named.

I’m scared to say it but I think that the crazy pregnant stuff I read about in the book are true.

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